This entire week has been tough! My emotions and patience got tested over and over again. I felt like I'm slowly breaking and god knows how long I'm going to last. October please come sooner, I really want to leave. I'm not sure why but I already feel like leaving. I have been refraining myself from blogging and ranting. Clearly, kick boxing isn't enough. Poor emotions of mine, have been on the bloody roller coaster for the entire week!
Today, I got told off for doing something that I've been doing for over a year because apparently I was not qualify. To be honest, nobody in the practice is qualify to do it besides yourself. If you honestly think the patient is going to have a stroke because my reading was unrealiable, so be it. I will not do it again, do it yourself then? Why would you think I'm any different from the new girl? 4 years of extensive training, my ass? Just because I do not have the qualification? You didn't know I was doing, my ass? Seriously? *rolls eyes
I don't see you telling me off few months ago. Urghhh......... Whatever your reasoning is - not acceptable! Say what you like, I'm not going to care. I really don't care, so piss off..
"I don't care what you think as long as it's about me, the best of us can find happiness in misery!"
You think you are going find someone as good as me? Work as hard as me? Literally doing everything for you? I wish you luck and I wish you well.
I was extremely disappointed! Never been so disappointed with people from work and have not felt so betrayed. :( but who cares, right?
Sayonara in 2 months! 2 more months then I'm gone. Can't wait.
ps:// please continue making my life more difficult. I really don't mind the challenge. Bring it on.
As much as I would like to be, I was never a good baker, I practically burnt everything. I like my baked goods, but never actually attempt to make them because I find baking really hard (especially cookies!). And when I said I burn everything, I really mean it. I can't even bake the ones which comes in a box, I literally burnt the top of the cake and it tasted pretty disgusting. *laughs! I may be good at cooking, surely suck at baking.
Finally, this weekend did some baking (good baking) after I contemplating for 4 hours whether if I should. I went ahead took the plunge to bake some peanut butter cookies with specks of chocolate chips. I was worried the entire time that I was going to screw them all up and had to finish them on my own because I will be to embarrass to feed people my disgusting cookies!
They turned out pretty awesome, don't you think? *big pat on my back. :P Mind you, I was super proud of myself!! I did burnt the bottom a little, because I wasn't sure which level I should leave the cookies at in the oven. *But now I know ;)
Luckily, Daniel was being a good sport, downed 2 cookies right after I've taken them out of the oven! He said "They were good! Filling and dense! Good for afternoon tea!" And a big grin on his face which brightens my day even more!
If you seriously think that the boss is being unfair to your colleague for not approving her leave and favours me more, then you need to step up your game.
Let me tell you something, you inconsiderate pregnant girl woman (please do not call yourself a girl anymore, you are fucking 26y/o!).
The reasons her leave was disapproved mainly were because of you!
- Because you did not feel like working in September.
- Because you are so bloody horny and you got pregnant (even though you were SPECIFICALLY told not to!).
- Because is not okay to have me at work alone from 8am - 6pm (even though I don't mind).
- BECAUSE YOU ARE SO FUCKING UNRELIABLE(didn't even show up to work today because you back hurts! Well my back hurts too, you fucking inconsiderate bitch!).
So take that!
Next time before you tell me things are unfair around here or you should be paid more, please reflect on your past 1 year work performance. If you honestly think you have done a good job for the past 1 year, I have nothing to say to you but shut the fuck up. Yes, you are pregnant, it doesn't mean you need to be a bitch.
You need to sort yourself out!
I actually didn't want to blog about it, but the more I think about it; the more I get annoyed! *Ggrrr.. And please stop giving me shit.
Is not even backstabbing, was just drama which blew out of proportion!
So this piece drama happened between me, a colleague (let's name her R) and lady boss, N (she is also the human resource person). And yes (I know what you are thinking), I managed to involve the highest level of management. :p It was unintentional, it wasn't suppose to end this way, okay?
I will have to set the scene for you first: -
I am proud to say I am a very observant girl. I watch and I learn things real quick (even I'm not entirely sure whether that's a good thing of not!). But hey, this particular skill got me far, far enough for me to feel proud.
R is very pregnant, about 6 months pregnant or maybe 7 months now. She had a lot going on since the beginning of this year and has been very preoccupied and distracted. With the baby coming, feet and back issues and moving from a place to another, I know it can be stressful so I tried my best to be really understanding. She's a wonderful, funny and outgoing person too! * But personally, I don't think she work as hard as I am (seriously), and she complains about her pay being low. Pfftt....
What happen was; on Sunday, N asked me if I would like to go to Rotorua with her family for the coming weekend. Obviously I said yes, because things haven't been great and I like her and her kids' company. So that was sorted! I was told to pack my bags the day before, will be leaving early on Friday around 2pm-ish.
On Monday, I noticed (observant much?)R had a piece of paper on her desk for her plans on Friday - 1. foot and back appointment, 2. lawyer appointment. So basically, she was going to take the Friday off. So the same night, I told N I don't think I am able to go with her because I think R was going to take the day off and I don't want to leave another lady on her own. I also told N to wait it out, wait for R to ask her (N) for the day off herself (R) on Tuesday. But it didn't happen, R didn't ask Friday the day off (Why? Because she forgot to ask, apparently!). After I got off work (at 4pm), R got a phone call from N (it was a very angry phone call), saying she (R) is NOT ALLOWto just inform her (N) about doing half day/day off on Friday, instead she should always give at least 5 days notice prior the day off (which I think is totally fair). R is not allow to just take the day off without getting approval. I knew N was angry because R didn't ask on Tuesday as N doesn't work on Wednesday which means Thursday will be too short of a notice.
On Wednesday, she hardly talked to me for the entire day (fair enough because she was clearly mad/annoyed/angry with me). On Thursday, she guilt-tripped me by telling me about the angry phone call as well as how sore her back and feet were because of the insoles (she was basically implying it was my fault her back is hurting because she had to cancel her appointment!), how annoying her lawyer was and SHE IS PREGNANT. It worked of course, I felt guilty instantly and apologized to her. I felt really awful for the entire day and the entire weekends at Rotorua (even though I realized later I didn't do anything wrong and it wasn't my intention).
I was Lilo in Rotorua! *LOL.....
The next week, R moved her baby shower from August to 18th July (which is the day after I leave for Malaysia!). So it was quite very obvious that she didn't want me there! 2 weeks later (yesterday), she was giving out her invitations to our colleagues (I think everyone was invited except me and N). I don't blame her for being annoyed with me but I wish she would at least give out her invites when I am not around (day off or lunch breaks).
And here I am, being a whiny little bitch talking and backstabbing her here. What done is done, I cannot go back in time to reverse what I did to her, unintentionally. I swear to God, I did not do it on purpose (I did it unconsciously)! I didn't know I did something bad until she told me (that's how slow I am). I even apologized to her! Guess what, it didn't work and I didn't get invited to her baby shower. *laughs.... I knew I wasn't going to be invited to her baby shower after what happened, sure enough, I didn't get invited. Sigh, I honestly felt a wee bit disappointed for not even getting the invite. That's life?!
Should I be the bigger person and still chip in on gifts for the little one?!
*I probably will, because I love kids and he's innocent.
My dad was right about one thing though, there will always be dramas and gossips at a work place which has more than 2 person. He was spot on!
Warning: This will be a very emotional, gloomy, bitter, draggy and maybe a little bit morbid post.
Leave now if you can't handle it or stay and not judge me. Because I need somewhere to dispose of all these emotions that I have in me, rather than bottling up everything. So you have been warned!
I used to be very carefree and happy, just being me. Now, I am a mess - mildly depressed, hopeless, sad and weepy, pathetic, lonely, homesick, angry and confused. And I have to pretend that I am okay all the time (which is not right at all).
I've been standing at the crossroad for months now, I honestly thought I gotten over with crying after 1.5 week not crying, but holy mother of shitballs; I cried again last night; TWICE - by the street with heaps of people walking by (that was embarrassing) and at home for 3 good hours until I fell asleep (for god's sake). After all the crying and eyes getting swollen, I still feel like crying while on the way to work or even now. :'(
Making life decisions are always hard and difficult, I reckon. However, we cannot just chuck it aside, not deal with it. At some point in life, we have to make those decisions.
One - is going to be permanent and forever.
Not further elaboration needed. Is one of those big decisions where it will probably change your life to some extend. Whether the outcome is going to be good or bad, you have to live with it for the rest of your life. Yes, is going to be permanent and probably no turning back. There is no easy way out of this, you just need to have faith and take the plunge.
Two - there will be consequences.
Note-to-self: No back door to escape but to face it straight on; good or bad. Is alright if is not the best or ideal outcome, it will be okay and don't worry. Be happy and don't be too hard on yourself.
Three - is going to be hard not hurting/disappoint people on the way.
The people around you will be affected especially the ones you love very much. But it would be great to get all the support that you can get such as family and friends. They might or may disagree with your decisions but is always good to have them on your team and know that they have your back despite any outcomes. Also, is good to know/have a place you can fall back to. So, do not burn your bridges, get them on board!
Four - there will always be doubts.
Doubts like "Am I making the right decisions?", " Are they going to disown me?", "Are they going to be mad at me forever?", "Are we going to be okay?". "Is this going to be another mistake?" I honestly don't know what's going to happen. We plan things, but things don't go according to the plan most of the time anyways. To be frank, I hate it very much when things don't go my way or the way I plan it; because I'm anal like that and I'm a planner. What can I do but to embrace it? So Colleen, don't worry and embrace it!
I have no problem making decisions just issues with trying to please everyone or wanting to get the most ideal and best outcome for others (where I please the most people or hurt the less people with my decision making). I suppose at the back of my mind, I am the eldest in my family so I need to be a role model, to be responsible or maybe set an example for my younger siblings and also not wanting to disappoint my parents. I thought what I was doing here is what I wanted, but I come to realized what I'm doing is not what I want at all; is more of what my parents expect me to do. So that's probably why I've been so unhappy with my life in New Zealand. I was unhappy because I haven't been myself for all this while.
Working in New Zealand is a wonderful experience, but I was doing it for the wrong reasons. I was given the opportunity, I took it - it was my choice. Believe me, it wasn't a mistake, but it was for the wrong reason hence this complicated mess and consequences.
I really need someone to tell me is okay to make decisions for yourself and not others. I really need someone to tell me is okay to let go of your struggles and not to be so hard on yourself. I really need someone to tell me is okay to make mistake and look like a fool sometimes. I really need someone to tell me I have to forgive myself for all the mistakes I've made. I really need someone to tell me to worry less about what others think. I really need someone to tell me is alright to choose happiness.
I knew this was gonna happen, and him giving me this wake-up call is a good thing. It made me think of what have I been doing with my life and what I want to do with my life.
Chocolates, alcohol and crying with good company definitely helped with coping with my emotions. I really wish I can be happy and carefree again. I really miss me.
People have asked, "How does it feel to be or live a quarter of a century?" I don't know how to answer that question, to be honest. I don't know what to feel or what to say. Besides, being financially independent, I have not achieve anything great. I don't own a car nor a house and I am not particularly happy now because I don't know if the things I have now belong to me. I pretty much cry myself to sleep every night or whenever I'm alone. So I'm not happy at all. But what I've learnt over this 25 years is that family is everything. I really appreciate the time I spent with them. I absolutely love love love spending time with my family and I really wish I have more time with everyone. I missed out the weddings, the festive dinners (where everyone gets together), the family trips, the birthdays and so many more. Money is great, but is not everything. So I've made up my mind to go back because I want to be closer to the people I love and be happier.
My parents always say to me; if my life is good, I would already be a mother and have kids (I am not that lucky, I suppose). I have someone I love very much in my life , but I am not married. I've learnt to love this person so much, he is my everything. He is my best-est friend and I hope he's here to stay (because I love the idea of him being in my life for a really really long time). Unfortunately, we are at a very delicate stage, still deciding (well, he's deciding)on what we actually want. What's the point in chasing that perfect future when you have nobody to share it with?
By 25, I think one should have already starting to excel in life and know what you want. But I'm still unsure. Part of me wants to leave everything behind and travel the world. Part of me doesn't want to let the people around me down. And a part of me just want to lay in bed and do nothing. (See that, very immature right?) And another part of me just want to leave this world behind. :'(
Don't get me wrong, I am contended with my life, just not happy; but I reckon my life can be better and most importantly I should be happy. I am very grateful for all the people that I've met over the years. All of those who helped me grow and have showed me kindness. I am eternally grateful and I want to be or deserve to be happy.
I should really take time off to travel the world and be truly happy. Because I think I earn it.
Mind you, I am one of those that doesn't go to the toilet everyday for 25 years. According to my mom, I always have a hard time going to the toilet since I was young (even when I was a baby). My poo (according to my mom) is always hard and it takes ages for me to just go. I would usually cry and whine in the toilet every time I go (mainly because it was very painful); and quite often my mom will end up "helping" me in the toilet. *sigh, I'm a troubled child.BUT, I do not soil in my pants(well, from what I remembered at least). Is not like I don't eat veges or fruits (but I'm a super picky eater), I just don't go as often as I like. Apparently, my parents tried everything from increasing my fiber intake to giving me laxatives for either to soften or to stimulate me going to the toilet (traditional and modern) and they sort of gave up on me as I grew older. They will still ask me about it occasionally, but not all the time.
Nowadays, I go to the toilet every 2 to 3 days; sometimes I'm able to stretch it to 4 days. I know (i know, I really do believe me) is really bad, but I'm trying my best to go as frequently as possible. One of my other habits is to always weight myself before and after I go. That's to humor myself on how much shit (extra weight) I carry around if I do not go to the toilet frequently.
Disclaimer: Keep in mind, I am not a doctor or a health professional on constipation and bowel movement. I am just sharing my experiences. These products work for me doesn't mean they will work for you. Everyone is different!
When I'm in New Zealand, I will try my best to eat as clean as possible. Why only in New Zealand, not in Malaysia? Because I miss all the types of food you can get in Malaysia and I would stuff my face with ANY food when I'm back in Malaysia.
Clean eating/right would just mean healthy eating, discarding or eliminating unnecessary junk.
How to eat clean/right? - My definition
reduce refined sugar intake (I hate this, i love my sugars)
reduce or stop processed or junk food intake (i love potatoes/corn chips and nuggets)
reduce salt intake (hate that too because I'm a savory person)
reduce alcohol intake
increase fresh produce intake
increase water intake
look for healthier alternatives
cook or make your own
Example of clean eating (The white stuff on my avocado are sea salt)
Exercise - I would say exercising definitely helped out with the bowel movement. Maybe because when we work out, our muscles push the poo out of our digestive system faster. I find doing sit up, crunches or any abs exercises help me go to the toilet more regularly (but exercising doesn't help with softening the poos). So I would highly recommend exercising and it works!
Fiber intake - it helps, no doubt but I couldn't be bothered always cooking a lot of veges just for a meal; a person. But including more fiber in your daily diet definitely helps with relieving constipation. Fiber like veges,fruits and grains. They said bananas relieve constipation but I hate bananas so you tell me whether bananas work.
My top 10 fiber food:
1. Beans - black beans, kidney beans, mung (green) beans, baked beans,
2. Berries *raw or frozen (rich in antioxidant too) - raspberries, strawberries, boysenberries, blueberries
3. Whole grains - popcorn, barley, oats, quinoa, brown rice, grainy bread
4. Nuts - almonds, sunflower seed, pumpkin seeds, walnut, flaxseed
5. Peas - chickpeas, green peas (frozen or raw)
6. Fruits - peaches, figs (dry), prunes, raisins, banana, plums, apple, orange, pear, dates
7. Cruciferous veges - broccoli, cabbage, cauliflower, kale
8. Coloured veges - greens, carrots, sweet corn, sun dried tomatoes
9. Lentils and starchy veges - sweet potatoes, potatoes with skin on
10. Miscellaneous - avocado, edamame (Japanese green beans)
Drink more water!!!!! - Pretty much self explanatory! I drink at least 5 cups of 250ml a day and yet is still not enough (you have got to be kidding me!). But anyhow, we should all drink more water! Water is forever good for you. At least 2.5 liters a days (might as well just live in the toilet). :O
When I'm desperate (at a scale of 1-10, 1 being not desperate at all and 10 being super duper crazy desperate; I'll be at 6) I'll drink milk. Because I'm slightly lactose intolerance. I will go have to go to the toilet every time after I drink a cup of milk. My stomach will growl and make weird noises then I'll go. When I said I'm slightly means I don't get diarrhoea. THIS WILL NOT WORK UNLESS YOU ARE LACTOSE INTOLERANT AND YOU NEED TO BE CAUTIOUS!! DO NOT TRY THIS IF YOU ARE SEVERELY LACTOSE INTOLERANT.
What about when I'm in Malaysia? Wuu, that's a tricky one. I've always like eating good food and Malaysia is a well known for its food. I tend to stuff my face as much as possible when I go back because I don't get to eat them in New Zealand. Hence always find it difficult to go when I'm back.
Prune juice helps (at the beginning)!! But once you get used to it, it will kinda stop working. And I absolutely dislike the taste and the smell. Is horrendous! Prune juice works but it takes it time. I can have 1 cup in the morning and feel nothing until maybe 4-5pm in the evening but the yucky taste lingers in your mouth for the entire day!!! It may not work for me, but it might be just the right option for you. But I absolutely hate it!
Laxatives - yes, I take laxatives when I'm in Malaysia since I dislike the taste of prune juice. There are many types of laxatives out there in the market and you can usually get it over the counter in the pharmacy. There are 2 main types of laxatives: stimulant and softener. They work very different so do ask your chemist or your doctor because taking them because laxatives might not be suitable for you and it can be dangerous.
Senokot (natural source laxative) is basically senna (in another packaging)
How does it work? Active agents in senna act on our large intestine or colon, stimulating contractions of the walls of our large intestine and fluid secretion. The contractions of the wall of large intestine is called peristalsis. Peristalsis moves the stool and poos along resulting relieve of constipation. Side effects like abdominal cramps/pain, vomiting, nausea and diarrhea can be unbearable. I get quite painful abdominal cramps/pain when I take the tabs, but once the shit/crap is out, the pain is worth it (at least that's what I think). C'mon, no pain no gain, right?
Last but not least, when I feel really yuck, bloated and hasn't been for a really long time, I will just have the Natural Clenx Tea by NH Detoxlim. Apparently, the tea is a slimming tea which I didn't know until I googled it (I am actually in shock right now). The tea is made from 100% organic green tea and herbs, with no laxatives and no added sugar (apparently). *If there weren't any laxatives, why do I go to the toilet every single time I drink it? Not just once, I practically have to move into the toilet for the entire day!! I wonder why. The slimming green and herb tea must be blimming good at detoxing!!!
So I did a little bit of google-ing and digging; and to my surprise, I found out that the tea contains laxatives. Folium Cassia Angustifolia is senna. *tsk tsk... (take home message: Read everything and research before you eat or drink anything!)I AM VERY VERY SHOCK!
Yes, the tea gets the job done (it takes 6-8 hours to work), but I DO NOT KNOW HOW SAFE IS THIS. I only have it monthly, sometimes even once every 2 months. Is very effective but you literally have to sit in the toilet for the rest of the day (because I always have it in the morning). I also get runny poos for the rest of the day and some abdominal pains. The website did recommended taking the tea after dinner, instead of morning. So I've been drinking it wrong, all this while. This is why you should always research before you try stuff, Colleen. CONSULT YOUR DOCTOR OR PHARMACIST BEFORE TRYING ANYTHING I MENTIONED ESPECIALLY THE LAXATIVES AND THE TEA.
Still we are obligated to keep ourselves healthy and those are my ways of relieving and preventing constipation. I hope you find it helpful.
You walked in and said, "I've got some news I didn't say all I wanted to You know I told you that I wasn't scared. Well, I lied." You told me, "Babe I only think of you." And I said, "All I've got is a bunch of sad stories." And I told them all before the night was through And we cried, oh, but we're here now And I'm trying hard to make you love me but I don't wanna try too hard And I'm trying hard to take it lightly but we're here now
Those four walls now are the only place that I can breathe out And those four walls now are home Those four walls now are the only place that I can feel Those four walls now are home
I wanna make you feel how I feel when I'm listening to love songs I wanna take you to the peak of everything that you are You're everything I need tonight And I'm trying hard to make you want me But I don't wanna try too hard I was thinking you got what you came for But you're here now
Those four walls now are the only place that I can breathe out Those four walls now are home Those four walls now are the only place that I can feel Those four walls now are home
Falling at the hand of a perfect man Falling at the hand of a perfect man
Those four walls now are the only place that I can breathe out Those four walls now are home Those three words now are the only thing that came to save me Those three words now are home
Falling at the hand of a perfect man
ps:/ when words can't describe, this song will. Exactly how I feel.
Don't ask me about my future, I'll just answer you this. "I don't know!" I want to stop worrying about it, thinking about it is seriously messing one's mind and adding on stress! Nobody knows what is going to happen in the future, so quit asking me! It will work out sooner or later, we will find out sooner or later, and everything will work out the way it should. Screw those who said you can plan your future! You can't plan your future! It just doesn't work that way. Everything will fall into place if you do your part, and of course with a little bit of luck, it will be marvelous. And please don't believe those who tells you have a bright future doing this and that. Screw them!! As long you are happy with your life, then everything should be fine. Is your life anyway! Sometimes, we just have to take risks, it might turn out well, it might turn out bad; you'll never know. If is good, you'll know the risk is worth taking; if is bad, just get you ass back up and move on. If you don't take risks, you will never know anything. Risk must be taken because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing.
I'm always a few steps behind of you, and you're always ahead of me.
"Wait up!" I said but you kept moving forward, making decisions as you go.
And now, you have decided that giving up on us is the best option for both of us.
Why don't you lead me and bring me to the same pace as you, rather than giving up on me?
You went to uni first, I went 6 months later
You graduated first, I graduated a year after
You started working first, I started working 6 months later
You got your experience first, I got mine 6 months later
You knew we have to be together in order for us to work, I realised that a year later
But I knew I'm willing to give up things here without looking back or regrets, do you know that?
You said you didn't want words, then give me a chance to prove that I'm worthy. Let me prove to you that what I said were not just words! I will act on them! If you listen carefully, you could hear me screaming for help and desperately needing you to hold my hands through everything.
I may be behind, but I'm always there for all the milestone you achieved no matter happy or sad.. You may not agree on this, but believe me when I say this "I always always have time for you no matter how busy I am." I put in effort, because I want to be in your life permanently, ready to commit; not just only a passerby.
How are you to know what you can achieve in us if you decide to give up now?
I felt like every decision I made for my entire life were all the wrong decisions. I really thought I got it right this time, but obviously it wasn't right. Everything is so wrong; everything is falling apart because I thought I made the right decision then. My concept is wrong, my thinking is wrong; I am just one messed up person who gets everything wrong. I hope I could receive a message from the future me (right now) to tell me everything is going to be alright and all will work out just fine. I really wish someone could help me out so I won't feel so yuck, miserable and terrible.
If I could go back in time I would go back and change my decisions. I want to know if it would make a different. I will probably be happier; I will not be in this situation. I will probably be a better human being.
If all the decisions made were the right ones, why am I feeling so yuck and absolutely miserable?
I've decided! Decided that I want 2 pets - a dog and a cat in the future after spending time with this little one. Why not now? Because I'm always moving houses and it will be a pain for the pets (especially 2) to move so much with me. I want to settle down before getting any animals, but I do wish I could have one right now. It took me ages to get 2 decent photos (laughs). Too active you, Jimbo!
Cute isn't it? *squeeze* He will definitely be a hunter when he grows up (no doubts). He is so playful! Always jumping up and down, playing with his (not very interesting) toy, but super gentle when he is tired. So precious! So small, so cute, so gorgeous and so precious! I wish I could keep him!
A long overdue post, because I was procrastinating to edit my pictures with watermarks. Anyway, here they are.
This was our first trip together (just the two of us) after he got back from the UK. Well, second trip together. Our was trip was to London and Paris, only a few of them knows about this trip. I've always liked the beaches, the sunshines and the islands. So he proposed we go somewhere local and beautiful at the same time - we chose Langkawi Island.
It was a long drive but it was worth it. We stopped by Penang on the way because me being a glutton, wanted to have the one and only Penang Asam Laksa and of course the mung bean cakes (my favourite). Unfortunately, by the time we got there it was already too late for the asam laksa. Since it was close to Kek Lok Si Temple, we decided to drop by. It was crowded and there were cars everywhere despite it was Chinese New Year. Well, it kinda make sense, because people go there to pray and gives thanks to the Gods during Chinese New Year. As the sky slowly turned dark, the lights around the temple started to light up. I was totally mesmerised by the lights and how gorgeous the temple gets at night.
There wasn't much pictures taken because my phone was dead and we sucked at taking selfies! Anyway, heading out was a nightmare. The traffic, Penang being an island, such a nightmare. We stopped at Perai, to grab dinner and headed back to our hotel.
The next day, we continued our journey to the Kuala Kedah early in the morning to catch the first ferry out to Langkawi Island. There are 3 ports you can take the ferry to Langkawi Island - from Penang, Kuala Kedah and Kuala Perlis. The further you go up north, the shorter the travel time to Langkawi Island. We parked our car at Kuala Kedah and took the ferry to Langkawi Island. It took us about 1 hour 45 mins from Kuala Kedah. You can also bring your car over to the island if you really want to. For more information, go to Langkawi Ferry Service.
When we arrived, the weather was absolutely beautiful, it was sunny and breezy. Perfect weather for the island, perfect for us, perfect for me. Mr Chuah booked us a pretty sweet place to stay when we were at Langkawi. We stay in the Sunset Beach Resort near Pantai Cenang. It is a gorgeous place, very well put together. I love it! (his way of pampering me) We didn't take any photos because both of us were too exhausted, we crashed and slept for few hours.
After 2 hours of nap, we headed out for a quick snack and walked around where we stayed. Sunset Beach Resort's location is strategic, is close to everything. You can find food stalls/restaurant, McDonals, duty free shops, road side stalls and the Underwater World Aquarium. It is pretty awesome! :D
Did I mention they have their own beach equipped with lazy chairs and side tables?
The next day, we decided to go on the island hopping tour (well, just 3 islands and it cost RM30 for each person - pretty good deal considering the time you spend there). We went to Pulau Dayang Bunting, Pulau Singa Besar and Pulau Beras Basah. First stop - Pulau Dayang Bunting to see the silhouette of the pregnant maiden from a distance and a short hike to the lake of the pregnant maiden - overflowing with supposed "magical" waters (laughs). There were buoys on the shores for us to sit and rest or you could swim around in the enclosed sections. I would say the island is pretty cool and the lake water was surprisingly clean and cooling but the area was a bit too bare for my liking (as in there wasn't enough umbrella around for shades).
Next stop Pulau Singa Besar to feed some eagles. We didn't feed the eagles personally, we sat in the boat and the eagles were fed by the locals. They threw raw chicken meat into the air and water to attract the attention of the eagles. Once the chicken captured the eagles' attention, they flew towards the floating chicken and grabbed hold with their sharp claws. It was very cool. We got to hang around for about 15 mins, appreciating the beauty of the creatures flying around and the peace and tranquility of our surroundings.
*These aren't my photos, I just attached them from the internet. I don't think it was a good idea to take our phone out when we were in the water. Sorry guys....
Last stop, Pulau Basah Beras! We decided not to go into the water but just hung and laid around by the beach with beer and chips. :D The beach was an entirely different type beach. The sand wasn't as soft, it was rocky and there were heaps of shells laying around, but the surrounding water was absolutely clean and clear. I really don't mind living in Langkawi, despite the challenges I will face in getting my groceries. I kinda like the idea of living on an island.
After we finished out tour, it was already 2pm. What else did we do? Of course duty free shopping and eat! I went a bit crazy in the duty free shop (i'm have a sweet tooth), seeing all the chocolates being super cheap and affordable. Besides chocolate, alcohol and fragrances (of various brands) were pretty cheap too. It was really enjoyable.
We spent our last day sleeping by the beach and enjoying the sun. Felt the wind, the saltiness of the sea and the great weather. All these made me realized that I really really absolutely miss Malaysia and I want to come home.
This Langkawi get away was what I needed! It was perfect even it was just a few days. It was perfect with you, and I love spending time with you. I hope we get to have holidays like this in future. We don't need to go far, somewhere like this is more than enough. Thank you for planning this holiday for me. I really enjoyed myself! It was perfect and brilliant.
Naively, I thought I was able to tell you everything and you'll return some comforting and reassuring words like you used to. I was wrong. I guess as time goes by, everyone changes. Thinking back now, I must be so stupid; to want some comfort and reassurance.
Grow up little girl, what you learnt today should be remembered. Is always about timing! If you want to hear it doesn't mean you are able to hear it. Nobody is obligated to say comforting and reassuring words to you. Not even those you hold close dearly to your heart. If you're gonna wait for those words, might as well work harder so you won't need them anymore.
But now I'm left with broken pieces. Little girl, you have to learn to deal with it, because even the person you think who is suppose to be on your side is not. You need to grow up and learn not to rely on words even if you feel like it. It might be difficult at the beginning but you will get there. I know you will get there, eventually.
But I like the sound of it, I like how they are so comforting and reassuring, which motivates me. Yes they are, but not everybody is willing to tell you over and over again or even whenever you want it. Because in the end, you'll end up hurting - just like today. Nobody cares if you cried on your own, nobody. Nobody cares if you're upset, nobody. Nobody cares if you feel like shit, nobody but yourself. But yourself, no one else.
Nobody is going to listen to your crap all the time. Save yourself some time, man up and swallow the entire shitty emotions that you feel and keep it to yourself. Keep it to yourself, for yourself only and no one else. Save yourself the trouble, okay?
I wish you all the best and you will get there. I promise you, you will get there. Practice makes perfect. What done is done, nothing else you can do about it. Lastly, DO NOT EVER LET IT OUT AGAIN.
What's up with everyone today? So far everyone I met today is either super annoying or super rude! Where are your manners? Are you guys all bleeding together, at the same time? Having PMS, doesn't mean you have to be rude to me. Seriously, you guys should just all calm the fuck down and stop pissing me off.
I am overwhelming, or should I say I am too much too handle. To be precise, my love is overwhelming and too much too handle. To the extend where people around me thinks I'm suffocating them and they get upset and probably quite annoyed with me. That's me.
When I love someone, I love him or her wholeheartedly, no doubt. I care for him or her, I try to be the best whoever I can be and I try to be around for them as much as possible, yet it has back fired many times - me suffocating the shit out of them. Hence leading me feeling super upset and unappreciated.
I stayed up thinking what I've done wrong (like now) every single time. Should I care less? How the fuck can you not care or even care less about someone who you love very much? Is that even possible? What does caring less even mean? They are someone you love, they are not some random strangers you meet on the street. Should I just leave them alone? Should I just keep my love to myself? Who knows, maybe they don't need me after all. Or is it just me - who is super sensitive and gets upset over little petty things?
I don't know why am I like this. I don't know when to stop caring. I don't know what to do with myself. :(
This entire week has been tough! My emotions and patience got tested over and over again. I felt like I'm slowly breaking and god knows how long I'm going to last. October please come sooner, I really want to leave. I'm not sure why but I already feel like leaving. I have been refraining myself from blogging and ranting. Clearly, kick boxing isn't enough. Poor emotions of mine, have been on the bloody roller coaster for the entire week!
Today, I got told off for doing something that I've been doing for over a year because apparently I was not qualify. To be honest, nobody in the practice is qualify to do it besides yourself. If you honestly think the patient is going to have a stroke because my reading was unrealiable, so be it. I will not do it again, do it yourself then? Why would you think I'm any different from the new girl? 4 years of extensive training, my ass? Just because I do not have the qualification? You didn't know I was doing, my ass? Seriously? *rolls eyes
I don't see you telling me off few months ago. Urghhh......... Whatever your reasoning is - not acceptable! Say what you like, I'm not going to care. I really don't care, so piss off..
"I don't care what you think as long as it's about me, the best of us can find happiness in misery!"
You think you are going find someone as good as me? Work as hard as me? Literally doing everything for you? I wish you luck and I wish you well.
I was extremely disappointed! Never been so disappointed with people from work and have not felt so betrayed. :( but who cares, right?
Sayonara in 2 months! 2 more months then I'm gone. Can't wait.
ps:// please continue making my life more difficult. I really don't mind the challenge. Bring it on.
As much as I would like to be, I was never a good baker, I practically burnt everything. I like my baked goods, but never actually attempt to make them because I find baking really hard (especially cookies!). And when I said I burn everything, I really mean it. I can't even bake the ones which comes in a box, I literally burnt the top of the cake and it tasted pretty disgusting. *laughs! I may be good at cooking, surely suck at baking.
Finally, this weekend did some baking (good baking) after I contemplating for 4 hours whether if I should. I went ahead took the plunge to bake some peanut butter cookies with specks of chocolate chips. I was worried the entire time that I was going to screw them all up and had to finish them on my own because I will be to embarrass to feed people my disgusting cookies!
They turned out pretty awesome, don't you think? *big pat on my back. :P Mind you, I was super proud of myself!! I did burnt the bottom a little, because I wasn't sure which level I should leave the cookies at in the oven. *But now I know ;)
Luckily, Daniel was being a good sport, downed 2 cookies right after I've taken them out of the oven! He said "They were good! Filling and dense! Good for afternoon tea!" And a big grin on his face which brightens my day even more!
If you seriously think that the boss is being unfair to your colleague for not approving her leave and favours me more, then you need to step up your game.
Let me tell you something, you inconsiderate pregnant girl woman (please do not call yourself a girl anymore, you are fucking 26y/o!).
The reasons her leave was disapproved mainly were because of you!
- Because you did not feel like working in September.
- Because you are so bloody horny and you got pregnant (even though you were SPECIFICALLY told not to!).
- Because is not okay to have me at work alone from 8am - 6pm (even though I don't mind).
- BECAUSE YOU ARE SO FUCKING UNRELIABLE(didn't even show up to work today because you back hurts! Well my back hurts too, you fucking inconsiderate bitch!).
So take that!
Next time before you tell me things are unfair around here or you should be paid more, please reflect on your past 1 year work performance. If you honestly think you have done a good job for the past 1 year, I have nothing to say to you but shut the fuck up. Yes, you are pregnant, it doesn't mean you need to be a bitch.
You need to sort yourself out!
I actually didn't want to blog about it, but the more I think about it; the more I get annoyed! *Ggrrr.. And please stop giving me shit.
Is not even backstabbing, was just drama which blew out of proportion!
So this piece drama happened between me, a colleague (let's name her R) and lady boss, N (she is also the human resource person). And yes (I know what you are thinking), I managed to involve the highest level of management. :p It was unintentional, it wasn't suppose to end this way, okay?
I will have to set the scene for you first: -
I am proud to say I am a very observant girl. I watch and I learn things real quick (even I'm not entirely sure whether that's a good thing of not!). But hey, this particular skill got me far, far enough for me to feel proud.
R is very pregnant, about 6 months pregnant or maybe 7 months now. She had a lot going on since the beginning of this year and has been very preoccupied and distracted. With the baby coming, feet and back issues and moving from a place to another, I know it can be stressful so I tried my best to be really understanding. She's a wonderful, funny and outgoing person too! * But personally, I don't think she work as hard as I am (seriously), and she complains about her pay being low. Pfftt....
What happen was; on Sunday, N asked me if I would like to go to Rotorua with her family for the coming weekend. Obviously I said yes, because things haven't been great and I like her and her kids' company. So that was sorted! I was told to pack my bags the day before, will be leaving early on Friday around 2pm-ish.
On Monday, I noticed (observant much?)R had a piece of paper on her desk for her plans on Friday - 1. foot and back appointment, 2. lawyer appointment. So basically, she was going to take the Friday off. So the same night, I told N I don't think I am able to go with her because I think R was going to take the day off and I don't want to leave another lady on her own. I also told N to wait it out, wait for R to ask her (N) for the day off herself (R) on Tuesday. But it didn't happen, R didn't ask Friday the day off (Why? Because she forgot to ask, apparently!). After I got off work (at 4pm), R got a phone call from N (it was a very angry phone call), saying she (R) is NOT ALLOWto just inform her (N) about doing half day/day off on Friday, instead she should always give at least 5 days notice prior the day off (which I think is totally fair). R is not allow to just take the day off without getting approval. I knew N was angry because R didn't ask on Tuesday as N doesn't work on Wednesday which means Thursday will be too short of a notice.
On Wednesday, she hardly talked to me for the entire day (fair enough because she was clearly mad/annoyed/angry with me). On Thursday, she guilt-tripped me by telling me about the angry phone call as well as how sore her back and feet were because of the insoles (she was basically implying it was my fault her back is hurting because she had to cancel her appointment!), how annoying her lawyer was and SHE IS PREGNANT. It worked of course, I felt guilty instantly and apologized to her. I felt really awful for the entire day and the entire weekends at Rotorua (even though I realized later I didn't do anything wrong and it wasn't my intention).
I was Lilo in Rotorua! *LOL.....
The next week, R moved her baby shower from August to 18th July (which is the day after I leave for Malaysia!). So it was quite very obvious that she didn't want me there! 2 weeks later (yesterday), she was giving out her invitations to our colleagues (I think everyone was invited except me and N). I don't blame her for being annoyed with me but I wish she would at least give out her invites when I am not around (day off or lunch breaks).
And here I am, being a whiny little bitch talking and backstabbing her here. What done is done, I cannot go back in time to reverse what I did to her, unintentionally. I swear to God, I did not do it on purpose (I did it unconsciously)! I didn't know I did something bad until she told me (that's how slow I am). I even apologized to her! Guess what, it didn't work and I didn't get invited to her baby shower. *laughs.... I knew I wasn't going to be invited to her baby shower after what happened, sure enough, I didn't get invited. Sigh, I honestly felt a wee bit disappointed for not even getting the invite. That's life?!
Should I be the bigger person and still chip in on gifts for the little one?!
*I probably will, because I love kids and he's innocent.
My dad was right about one thing though, there will always be dramas and gossips at a work place which has more than 2 person. He was spot on!
Warning: This will be a very emotional, gloomy, bitter, draggy and maybe a little bit morbid post.
Leave now if you can't handle it or stay and not judge me. Because I need somewhere to dispose of all these emotions that I have in me, rather than bottling up everything. So you have been warned!
I used to be very carefree and happy, just being me. Now, I am a mess - mildly depressed, hopeless, sad and weepy, pathetic, lonely, homesick, angry and confused. And I have to pretend that I am okay all the time (which is not right at all).
I've been standing at the crossroad for months now, I honestly thought I gotten over with crying after 1.5 week not crying, but holy mother of shitballs; I cried again last night; TWICE - by the street with heaps of people walking by (that was embarrassing) and at home for 3 good hours until I fell asleep (for god's sake). After all the crying and eyes getting swollen, I still feel like crying while on the way to work or even now. :'(
Making life decisions are always hard and difficult, I reckon. However, we cannot just chuck it aside, not deal with it. At some point in life, we have to make those decisions.
One - is going to be permanent and forever.
Not further elaboration needed. Is one of those big decisions where it will probably change your life to some extend. Whether the outcome is going to be good or bad, you have to live with it for the rest of your life. Yes, is going to be permanent and probably no turning back. There is no easy way out of this, you just need to have faith and take the plunge.
Two - there will be consequences.
Note-to-self: No back door to escape but to face it straight on; good or bad. Is alright if is not the best or ideal outcome, it will be okay and don't worry. Be happy and don't be too hard on yourself.
Three - is going to be hard not hurting/disappoint people on the way.
The people around you will be affected especially the ones you love very much. But it would be great to get all the support that you can get such as family and friends. They might or may disagree with your decisions but is always good to have them on your team and know that they have your back despite any outcomes. Also, is good to know/have a place you can fall back to. So, do not burn your bridges, get them on board!
Four - there will always be doubts.
Doubts like "Am I making the right decisions?", " Are they going to disown me?", "Are they going to be mad at me forever?", "Are we going to be okay?". "Is this going to be another mistake?" I honestly don't know what's going to happen. We plan things, but things don't go according to the plan most of the time anyways. To be frank, I hate it very much when things don't go my way or the way I plan it; because I'm anal like that and I'm a planner. What can I do but to embrace it? So Colleen, don't worry and embrace it!
I have no problem making decisions just issues with trying to please everyone or wanting to get the most ideal and best outcome for others (where I please the most people or hurt the less people with my decision making). I suppose at the back of my mind, I am the eldest in my family so I need to be a role model, to be responsible or maybe set an example for my younger siblings and also not wanting to disappoint my parents. I thought what I was doing here is what I wanted, but I come to realized what I'm doing is not what I want at all; is more of what my parents expect me to do. So that's probably why I've been so unhappy with my life in New Zealand. I was unhappy because I haven't been myself for all this while.
Working in New Zealand is a wonderful experience, but I was doing it for the wrong reasons. I was given the opportunity, I took it - it was my choice. Believe me, it wasn't a mistake, but it was for the wrong reason hence this complicated mess and consequences.
I really need someone to tell me is okay to make decisions for yourself and not others. I really need someone to tell me is okay to let go of your struggles and not to be so hard on yourself. I really need someone to tell me is okay to make mistake and look like a fool sometimes. I really need someone to tell me I have to forgive myself for all the mistakes I've made. I really need someone to tell me to worry less about what others think. I really need someone to tell me is alright to choose happiness.
I knew this was gonna happen, and him giving me this wake-up call is a good thing. It made me think of what have I been doing with my life and what I want to do with my life.
Chocolates, alcohol and crying with good company definitely helped with coping with my emotions. I really wish I can be happy and carefree again. I really miss me.
People have asked, "How does it feel to be or live a quarter of a century?" I don't know how to answer that question, to be honest. I don't know what to feel or what to say. Besides, being financially independent, I have not achieve anything great. I don't own a car nor a house and I am not particularly happy now because I don't know if the things I have now belong to me. I pretty much cry myself to sleep every night or whenever I'm alone. So I'm not happy at all. But what I've learnt over this 25 years is that family is everything. I really appreciate the time I spent with them. I absolutely love love love spending time with my family and I really wish I have more time with everyone. I missed out the weddings, the festive dinners (where everyone gets together), the family trips, the birthdays and so many more. Money is great, but is not everything. So I've made up my mind to go back because I want to be closer to the people I love and be happier.
My parents always say to me; if my life is good, I would already be a mother and have kids (I am not that lucky, I suppose). I have someone I love very much in my life , but I am not married. I've learnt to love this person so much, he is my everything. He is my best-est friend and I hope he's here to stay (because I love the idea of him being in my life for a really really long time). Unfortunately, we are at a very delicate stage, still deciding (well, he's deciding)on what we actually want. What's the point in chasing that perfect future when you have nobody to share it with?
By 25, I think one should have already starting to excel in life and know what you want. But I'm still unsure. Part of me wants to leave everything behind and travel the world. Part of me doesn't want to let the people around me down. And a part of me just want to lay in bed and do nothing. (See that, very immature right?) And another part of me just want to leave this world behind. :'(
Don't get me wrong, I am contended with my life, just not happy; but I reckon my life can be better and most importantly I should be happy. I am very grateful for all the people that I've met over the years. All of those who helped me grow and have showed me kindness. I am eternally grateful and I want to be or deserve to be happy.
I should really take time off to travel the world and be truly happy. Because I think I earn it.
Mind you, I am one of those that doesn't go to the toilet everyday for 25 years. According to my mom, I always have a hard time going to the toilet since I was young (even when I was a baby). My poo (according to my mom) is always hard and it takes ages for me to just go. I would usually cry and whine in the toilet every time I go (mainly because it was very painful); and quite often my mom will end up "helping" me in the toilet. *sigh, I'm a troubled child.BUT, I do not soil in my pants(well, from what I remembered at least). Is not like I don't eat veges or fruits (but I'm a super picky eater), I just don't go as often as I like. Apparently, my parents tried everything from increasing my fiber intake to giving me laxatives for either to soften or to stimulate me going to the toilet (traditional and modern) and they sort of gave up on me as I grew older. They will still ask me about it occasionally, but not all the time.
Nowadays, I go to the toilet every 2 to 3 days; sometimes I'm able to stretch it to 4 days. I know (i know, I really do believe me) is really bad, but I'm trying my best to go as frequently as possible. One of my other habits is to always weight myself before and after I go. That's to humor myself on how much shit (extra weight) I carry around if I do not go to the toilet frequently.
Disclaimer: Keep in mind, I am not a doctor or a health professional on constipation and bowel movement. I am just sharing my experiences. These products work for me doesn't mean they will work for you. Everyone is different!
When I'm in New Zealand, I will try my best to eat as clean as possible. Why only in New Zealand, not in Malaysia? Because I miss all the types of food you can get in Malaysia and I would stuff my face with ANY food when I'm back in Malaysia.
Clean eating/right would just mean healthy eating, discarding or eliminating unnecessary junk.
How to eat clean/right? - My definition
reduce refined sugar intake (I hate this, i love my sugars)
reduce or stop processed or junk food intake (i love potatoes/corn chips and nuggets)
reduce salt intake (hate that too because I'm a savory person)
reduce alcohol intake
increase fresh produce intake
increase water intake
look for healthier alternatives
cook or make your own
Example of clean eating (The white stuff on my avocado are sea salt)
Exercise - I would say exercising definitely helped out with the bowel movement. Maybe because when we work out, our muscles push the poo out of our digestive system faster. I find doing sit up, crunches or any abs exercises help me go to the toilet more regularly (but exercising doesn't help with softening the poos). So I would highly recommend exercising and it works!
Fiber intake - it helps, no doubt but I couldn't be bothered always cooking a lot of veges just for a meal; a person. But including more fiber in your daily diet definitely helps with relieving constipation. Fiber like veges,fruits and grains. They said bananas relieve constipation but I hate bananas so you tell me whether bananas work.
My top 10 fiber food:
1. Beans - black beans, kidney beans, mung (green) beans, baked beans,
2. Berries *raw or frozen (rich in antioxidant too) - raspberries, strawberries, boysenberries, blueberries
3. Whole grains - popcorn, barley, oats, quinoa, brown rice, grainy bread
4. Nuts - almonds, sunflower seed, pumpkin seeds, walnut, flaxseed
5. Peas - chickpeas, green peas (frozen or raw)
6. Fruits - peaches, figs (dry), prunes, raisins, banana, plums, apple, orange, pear, dates
7. Cruciferous veges - broccoli, cabbage, cauliflower, kale
8. Coloured veges - greens, carrots, sweet corn, sun dried tomatoes
9. Lentils and starchy veges - sweet potatoes, potatoes with skin on
10. Miscellaneous - avocado, edamame (Japanese green beans)
Drink more water!!!!! - Pretty much self explanatory! I drink at least 5 cups of 250ml a day and yet is still not enough (you have got to be kidding me!). But anyhow, we should all drink more water! Water is forever good for you. At least 2.5 liters a days (might as well just live in the toilet). :O
When I'm desperate (at a scale of 1-10, 1 being not desperate at all and 10 being super duper crazy desperate; I'll be at 6) I'll drink milk. Because I'm slightly lactose intolerance. I will go have to go to the toilet every time after I drink a cup of milk. My stomach will growl and make weird noises then I'll go. When I said I'm slightly means I don't get diarrhoea. THIS WILL NOT WORK UNLESS YOU ARE LACTOSE INTOLERANT AND YOU NEED TO BE CAUTIOUS!! DO NOT TRY THIS IF YOU ARE SEVERELY LACTOSE INTOLERANT.
What about when I'm in Malaysia? Wuu, that's a tricky one. I've always like eating good food and Malaysia is a well known for its food. I tend to stuff my face as much as possible when I go back because I don't get to eat them in New Zealand. Hence always find it difficult to go when I'm back.
Prune juice helps (at the beginning)!! But once you get used to it, it will kinda stop working. And I absolutely dislike the taste and the smell. Is horrendous! Prune juice works but it takes it time. I can have 1 cup in the morning and feel nothing until maybe 4-5pm in the evening but the yucky taste lingers in your mouth for the entire day!!! It may not work for me, but it might be just the right option for you. But I absolutely hate it!
Laxatives - yes, I take laxatives when I'm in Malaysia since I dislike the taste of prune juice. There are many types of laxatives out there in the market and you can usually get it over the counter in the pharmacy. There are 2 main types of laxatives: stimulant and softener. They work very different so do ask your chemist or your doctor because taking them because laxatives might not be suitable for you and it can be dangerous.
Senokot (natural source laxative) is basically senna (in another packaging)
How does it work? Active agents in senna act on our large intestine or colon, stimulating contractions of the walls of our large intestine and fluid secretion. The contractions of the wall of large intestine is called peristalsis. Peristalsis moves the stool and poos along resulting relieve of constipation. Side effects like abdominal cramps/pain, vomiting, nausea and diarrhea can be unbearable. I get quite painful abdominal cramps/pain when I take the tabs, but once the shit/crap is out, the pain is worth it (at least that's what I think). C'mon, no pain no gain, right?
Last but not least, when I feel really yuck, bloated and hasn't been for a really long time, I will just have the Natural Clenx Tea by NH Detoxlim. Apparently, the tea is a slimming tea which I didn't know until I googled it (I am actually in shock right now). The tea is made from 100% organic green tea and herbs, with no laxatives and no added sugar (apparently). *If there weren't any laxatives, why do I go to the toilet every single time I drink it? Not just once, I practically have to move into the toilet for the entire day!! I wonder why. The slimming green and herb tea must be blimming good at detoxing!!!
So I did a little bit of google-ing and digging; and to my surprise, I found out that the tea contains laxatives. Folium Cassia Angustifolia is senna. *tsk tsk... (take home message: Read everything and research before you eat or drink anything!)I AM VERY VERY SHOCK!
Yes, the tea gets the job done (it takes 6-8 hours to work), but I DO NOT KNOW HOW SAFE IS THIS. I only have it monthly, sometimes even once every 2 months. Is very effective but you literally have to sit in the toilet for the rest of the day (because I always have it in the morning). I also get runny poos for the rest of the day and some abdominal pains. The website did recommended taking the tea after dinner, instead of morning. So I've been drinking it wrong, all this while. This is why you should always research before you try stuff, Colleen. CONSULT YOUR DOCTOR OR PHARMACIST BEFORE TRYING ANYTHING I MENTIONED ESPECIALLY THE LAXATIVES AND THE TEA.
Still we are obligated to keep ourselves healthy and those are my ways of relieving and preventing constipation. I hope you find it helpful.
You walked in and said, "I've got some news I didn't say all I wanted to You know I told you that I wasn't scared. Well, I lied." You told me, "Babe I only think of you." And I said, "All I've got is a bunch of sad stories." And I told them all before the night was through And we cried, oh, but we're here now And I'm trying hard to make you love me but I don't wanna try too hard And I'm trying hard to take it lightly but we're here now
Those four walls now are the only place that I can breathe out And those four walls now are home Those four walls now are the only place that I can feel Those four walls now are home
I wanna make you feel how I feel when I'm listening to love songs I wanna take you to the peak of everything that you are You're everything I need tonight And I'm trying hard to make you want me But I don't wanna try too hard I was thinking you got what you came for But you're here now
Those four walls now are the only place that I can breathe out Those four walls now are home Those four walls now are the only place that I can feel Those four walls now are home
Falling at the hand of a perfect man Falling at the hand of a perfect man
Those four walls now are the only place that I can breathe out Those four walls now are home Those three words now are the only thing that came to save me Those three words now are home
Falling at the hand of a perfect man
ps:/ when words can't describe, this song will. Exactly how I feel.
Don't ask me about my future, I'll just answer you this. "I don't know!" I want to stop worrying about it, thinking about it is seriously messing one's mind and adding on stress! Nobody knows what is going to happen in the future, so quit asking me! It will work out sooner or later, we will find out sooner or later, and everything will work out the way it should. Screw those who said you can plan your future! You can't plan your future! It just doesn't work that way. Everything will fall into place if you do your part, and of course with a little bit of luck, it will be marvelous. And please don't believe those who tells you have a bright future doing this and that. Screw them!! As long you are happy with your life, then everything should be fine. Is your life anyway! Sometimes, we just have to take risks, it might turn out well, it might turn out bad; you'll never know. If is good, you'll know the risk is worth taking; if is bad, just get you ass back up and move on. If you don't take risks, you will never know anything. Risk must be taken because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing.
I'm always a few steps behind of you, and you're always ahead of me.
"Wait up!" I said but you kept moving forward, making decisions as you go.
And now, you have decided that giving up on us is the best option for both of us.
Why don't you lead me and bring me to the same pace as you, rather than giving up on me?
You went to uni first, I went 6 months later
You graduated first, I graduated a year after
You started working first, I started working 6 months later
You got your experience first, I got mine 6 months later
You knew we have to be together in order for us to work, I realised that a year later
But I knew I'm willing to give up things here without looking back or regrets, do you know that?
You said you didn't want words, then give me a chance to prove that I'm worthy. Let me prove to you that what I said were not just words! I will act on them! If you listen carefully, you could hear me screaming for help and desperately needing you to hold my hands through everything.
I may be behind, but I'm always there for all the milestone you achieved no matter happy or sad.. You may not agree on this, but believe me when I say this "I always always have time for you no matter how busy I am." I put in effort, because I want to be in your life permanently, ready to commit; not just only a passerby.
How are you to know what you can achieve in us if you decide to give up now?
I felt like every decision I made for my entire life were all the wrong decisions. I really thought I got it right this time, but obviously it wasn't right. Everything is so wrong; everything is falling apart because I thought I made the right decision then. My concept is wrong, my thinking is wrong; I am just one messed up person who gets everything wrong. I hope I could receive a message from the future me (right now) to tell me everything is going to be alright and all will work out just fine. I really wish someone could help me out so I won't feel so yuck, miserable and terrible.
If I could go back in time I would go back and change my decisions. I want to know if it would make a different. I will probably be happier; I will not be in this situation. I will probably be a better human being.
If all the decisions made were the right ones, why am I feeling so yuck and absolutely miserable?
I've decided! Decided that I want 2 pets - a dog and a cat in the future after spending time with this little one. Why not now? Because I'm always moving houses and it will be a pain for the pets (especially 2) to move so much with me. I want to settle down before getting any animals, but I do wish I could have one right now. It took me ages to get 2 decent photos (laughs). Too active you, Jimbo!
Cute isn't it? *squeeze* He will definitely be a hunter when he grows up (no doubts). He is so playful! Always jumping up and down, playing with his (not very interesting) toy, but super gentle when he is tired. So precious! So small, so cute, so gorgeous and so precious! I wish I could keep him!
A long overdue post, because I was procrastinating to edit my pictures with watermarks. Anyway, here they are.
This was our first trip together (just the two of us) after he got back from the UK. Well, second trip together. Our was trip was to London and Paris, only a few of them knows about this trip. I've always liked the beaches, the sunshines and the islands. So he proposed we go somewhere local and beautiful at the same time - we chose Langkawi Island.
It was a long drive but it was worth it. We stopped by Penang on the way because me being a glutton, wanted to have the one and only Penang Asam Laksa and of course the mung bean cakes (my favourite). Unfortunately, by the time we got there it was already too late for the asam laksa. Since it was close to Kek Lok Si Temple, we decided to drop by. It was crowded and there were cars everywhere despite it was Chinese New Year. Well, it kinda make sense, because people go there to pray and gives thanks to the Gods during Chinese New Year. As the sky slowly turned dark, the lights around the temple started to light up. I was totally mesmerised by the lights and how gorgeous the temple gets at night.
There wasn't much pictures taken because my phone was dead and we sucked at taking selfies! Anyway, heading out was a nightmare. The traffic, Penang being an island, such a nightmare. We stopped at Perai, to grab dinner and headed back to our hotel.
The next day, we continued our journey to the Kuala Kedah early in the morning to catch the first ferry out to Langkawi Island. There are 3 ports you can take the ferry to Langkawi Island - from Penang, Kuala Kedah and Kuala Perlis. The further you go up north, the shorter the travel time to Langkawi Island. We parked our car at Kuala Kedah and took the ferry to Langkawi Island. It took us about 1 hour 45 mins from Kuala Kedah. You can also bring your car over to the island if you really want to. For more information, go to Langkawi Ferry Service.
When we arrived, the weather was absolutely beautiful, it was sunny and breezy. Perfect weather for the island, perfect for us, perfect for me. Mr Chuah booked us a pretty sweet place to stay when we were at Langkawi. We stay in the Sunset Beach Resort near Pantai Cenang. It is a gorgeous place, very well put together. I love it! (his way of pampering me) We didn't take any photos because both of us were too exhausted, we crashed and slept for few hours.
After 2 hours of nap, we headed out for a quick snack and walked around where we stayed. Sunset Beach Resort's location is strategic, is close to everything. You can find food stalls/restaurant, McDonals, duty free shops, road side stalls and the Underwater World Aquarium. It is pretty awesome! :D
Did I mention they have their own beach equipped with lazy chairs and side tables?
The next day, we decided to go on the island hopping tour (well, just 3 islands and it cost RM30 for each person - pretty good deal considering the time you spend there). We went to Pulau Dayang Bunting, Pulau Singa Besar and Pulau Beras Basah. First stop - Pulau Dayang Bunting to see the silhouette of the pregnant maiden from a distance and a short hike to the lake of the pregnant maiden - overflowing with supposed "magical" waters (laughs). There were buoys on the shores for us to sit and rest or you could swim around in the enclosed sections. I would say the island is pretty cool and the lake water was surprisingly clean and cooling but the area was a bit too bare for my liking (as in there wasn't enough umbrella around for shades).
Next stop Pulau Singa Besar to feed some eagles. We didn't feed the eagles personally, we sat in the boat and the eagles were fed by the locals. They threw raw chicken meat into the air and water to attract the attention of the eagles. Once the chicken captured the eagles' attention, they flew towards the floating chicken and grabbed hold with their sharp claws. It was very cool. We got to hang around for about 15 mins, appreciating the beauty of the creatures flying around and the peace and tranquility of our surroundings.
*These aren't my photos, I just attached them from the internet. I don't think it was a good idea to take our phone out when we were in the water. Sorry guys....
Last stop, Pulau Basah Beras! We decided not to go into the water but just hung and laid around by the beach with beer and chips. :D The beach was an entirely different type beach. The sand wasn't as soft, it was rocky and there were heaps of shells laying around, but the surrounding water was absolutely clean and clear. I really don't mind living in Langkawi, despite the challenges I will face in getting my groceries. I kinda like the idea of living on an island.
After we finished out tour, it was already 2pm. What else did we do? Of course duty free shopping and eat! I went a bit crazy in the duty free shop (i'm have a sweet tooth), seeing all the chocolates being super cheap and affordable. Besides chocolate, alcohol and fragrances (of various brands) were pretty cheap too. It was really enjoyable.
We spent our last day sleeping by the beach and enjoying the sun. Felt the wind, the saltiness of the sea and the great weather. All these made me realized that I really really absolutely miss Malaysia and I want to come home.
This Langkawi get away was what I needed! It was perfect even it was just a few days. It was perfect with you, and I love spending time with you. I hope we get to have holidays like this in future. We don't need to go far, somewhere like this is more than enough. Thank you for planning this holiday for me. I really enjoyed myself! It was perfect and brilliant.
Naively, I thought I was able to tell you everything and you'll return some comforting and reassuring words like you used to. I was wrong. I guess as time goes by, everyone changes. Thinking back now, I must be so stupid; to want some comfort and reassurance.
Grow up little girl, what you learnt today should be remembered. Is always about timing! If you want to hear it doesn't mean you are able to hear it. Nobody is obligated to say comforting and reassuring words to you. Not even those you hold close dearly to your heart. If you're gonna wait for those words, might as well work harder so you won't need them anymore.
But now I'm left with broken pieces. Little girl, you have to learn to deal with it, because even the person you think who is suppose to be on your side is not. You need to grow up and learn not to rely on words even if you feel like it. It might be difficult at the beginning but you will get there. I know you will get there, eventually.
But I like the sound of it, I like how they are so comforting and reassuring, which motivates me. Yes they are, but not everybody is willing to tell you over and over again or even whenever you want it. Because in the end, you'll end up hurting - just like today. Nobody cares if you cried on your own, nobody. Nobody cares if you're upset, nobody. Nobody cares if you feel like shit, nobody but yourself. But yourself, no one else.
Nobody is going to listen to your crap all the time. Save yourself some time, man up and swallow the entire shitty emotions that you feel and keep it to yourself. Keep it to yourself, for yourself only and no one else. Save yourself the trouble, okay?
I wish you all the best and you will get there. I promise you, you will get there. Practice makes perfect. What done is done, nothing else you can do about it. Lastly, DO NOT EVER LET IT OUT AGAIN.
What's up with everyone today? So far everyone I met today is either super annoying or super rude! Where are your manners? Are you guys all bleeding together, at the same time? Having PMS, doesn't mean you have to be rude to me. Seriously, you guys should just all calm the fuck down and stop pissing me off.
I am overwhelming, or should I say I am too much too handle. To be precise, my love is overwhelming and too much too handle. To the extend where people around me thinks I'm suffocating them and they get upset and probably quite annoyed with me. That's me.
When I love someone, I love him or her wholeheartedly, no doubt. I care for him or her, I try to be the best whoever I can be and I try to be around for them as much as possible, yet it has back fired many times - me suffocating the shit out of them. Hence leading me feeling super upset and unappreciated.
I stayed up thinking what I've done wrong (like now) every single time. Should I care less? How the fuck can you not care or even care less about someone who you love very much? Is that even possible? What does caring less even mean? They are someone you love, they are not some random strangers you meet on the street. Should I just leave them alone? Should I just keep my love to myself? Who knows, maybe they don't need me after all. Or is it just me - who is super sensitive and gets upset over little petty things?
I don't know why am I like this. I don't know when to stop caring. I don't know what to do with myself. :(
Colleen Toh
Foodie. Uber petite. Some therapeutic cooking. Kick boxing.
Malaysia. New Zealand.
And I love chicken rice.
Currently working as a Health Educator (Diabetes) in New Zealand!
I hope the little things in life can make me happy again!
For business: zhtohcolleen@yahoo.com
Bungy jumping
Sky diving
Watch a live NBA match
Magic mushroom
Disneyland
Universal Studio Trip to UK
Trip to USA
Trip to Hawaii
Trip to Amsterdam Trip to Queenstown
Trip to Japan
Trip to Ohrid
Trip to Korea Trip to Pataya Trip to Bangkok
Trip to Redang
Trip to Bali
Trip to Gold Coast Trip to Paris
Trip to Rome
Trip to Hong Kong
Trip to Maldives Trip to Taiwan
Roller Coaster Ride
